All the Love in the World

A young family is faced with the prospect of having a "special needs" child.

ALL THE LOVE IN THE WORLD
By
Patricia Nolan-Hall


Lisa stopped outside the kitchen when she heard Charlotte asking again for a puppy. I’ll let Ray handle it this time. He knows how I feel about it.
“Sweetie, if I tell you a secret maybe you’ll understand why you have to wait a while longer for a puppy you can call Barnaby.”
What’s a secret? thought Lisa. There’s no such thing as a secret in this family. What was it with all those television shows with wives trying to find special ways to announce their pregnancy? Ray actually told me number two was on the way. He knows more about my cycle than I do. Now that he’s told Charlotte he’ll probably blab to his whole family.
“Mommy, can we call the new baby Barnaby?”
“Charlotte, what is that sticky stuff all over your hands? Young ladies do not run in the house. I don’t think Barnaby is really such a good name for the baby, do you?”
Honestly, I thought by the time Charlotte was in school fulltime she’d stop being such a baby. I love kids as much as anybody but there’s something to be said for a good night’s sleep and a living room decorated in something other than early childhood.
“Mommy has to see her doctor this afternoon. Maybe, if you’re a good girl, Daddy can take you for an ice cream while I have my appointment.”
“Hon, you don’t mind if I come with you to see Dr. Parker, do you? Charlotte can play in the waiting room and then we can all go out for dinner.”
“Yah!”
“Well, if you really don’t mind.”
These young doctors must take radio-announcing courses thought Lisa. Her voice is always so low and soothing even when she’s saying things like spina bifeda or Down Syndrome. Funny, I never noticed how hopelessly ugly the prints are in this office.
“You can’t be sure of anything at this point. The tests could be wrong or incomplete.” Ray’s voice sounded like it came from far away but Lisa knew he was sitting right beside her squeezing her hand.
“Of course we’ll arrange further tests and, you’re right, these results may very well turn out to be wrong. I don’t want to worry you needlessly but it’s just as important for you to be prepared.”
“Oh, we don’t care what the baby is as long as it’s healthy. How often did we say that when we were expecting Charlotte? Everyone says it. Do they really know what they are saying?”
“I’m healthy, Mommy.”
“You’re perfect, honey. Now why don’t you go over and play on the swings? Mommy and I will be right over here by the fountain.”
“The park is awfully quiet today.”
“You shouldn’t have said that in front of Charlotte”, Ray sighed. “We don’t even know if anything is wrong with the baby. Not yet. Not for sure.”
“We have to start thinking about our options, Ray.”
“Options?”
“That’s why Dr. Parker – that’s what she –
“Lisa, honey, I’m sure that’s not what the doctor meant. Look, you don’t have to worry. This baby already has all the love in the world going for it. Even if there are problems you know you can count on me.”
What? I know I can. Oh, you’re thinking about the MacKenzies. Frank leaving right after little Timmy was born. No. You’re not like that. I know.”
“Look at how well Alice handles things, and all on her own too. And Tim, he’s a bright kid and cute as a button. Charlotte loves playing with him Down Syndrome doesn’t bother her.”
I honestly think Ray believes what he’s saying, thought Lisa. Sure, Tim’s a cute kid but I certainly don’t want Charlotte continuing this friendship into their teen years. AS for the great way Alice handles things, doesn’t he have any idea – she lost her husband – and the battles she’s had getting Tim schooling. Everybody talks a good game but the bottom line is nobody wants these kids around but if I say so I’ll be treated like a villain. Ha. I’m the only honest one. I’ll bet Alice wishes Timmy had never been born. Late at night I bet that’s what she wishes.
“You know, Hon, maybe it would be a good idea to talk to Alice. Just in case. I mean, we don’t know anything for sure yet but it couldn’t hurt.”
“No. I don’t want the whole world in on our business. I didn’t even want Charlotte to know about the baby yet.”
“I think talking with someone like Alice is more what Dr. Parker had in mind.”
“I don’t want to talk about it now.
This has been the longest week of my life. Ray is trying way too hard with his looking at the bright side. Who does he think he’s kidding?
“Hon, are you sure you’ll be alright by yourself? We can cancel today.”
“Don’t be silly. Charlotte so enjoys the Fall Fair, and we promised to take Alice and Tim. I just am not up to roller coasters today. You understand.”
“I don’t feel right leaving you when you’re under the weather.”
“But, Ray, I’d rather be on my own. I’m going to sleep all day and everything will be fine.”
“We’ll cut the day short.”
“Don‘t you dare. Charlotte wants to see the fireworks. Now you two get going.”
“Bye, honey. Love you.”
I love you too. That’s why I’m doing what I have to do. It’s best for all of us. I know in his heart of hearts Ray will be relieved. After all, there wouldn’t be so many abortion clinics in the city if it was really wrong. Of course, Ray’s going to feel guilty about me losing the baby while they were out having fun. I can see it now. I’ll be smothered with kindness and Charlotte will be moping all over the place. They’ll have to be distracted. Maybe I’ll have to give in on that puppy business after all.